did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize