he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
3pm strippers are depressing
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
