I want to walk on stilts...naked
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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