i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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