That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
