Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
