Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
PANTIES FOUND
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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