Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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