I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
