he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
