wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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