Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
