He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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