I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I love having hate sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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