we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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