remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
