Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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