just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
