How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
