Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
