Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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