Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
