i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
