You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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