ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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