im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
