Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everyone is single if you try hard enough
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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