his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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