my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
