All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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