They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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