i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
