I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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