Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize