Im at strip club and am horny
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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