IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
