I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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