Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
