Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
