Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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