if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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