yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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