I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
