No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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