Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
