my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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