Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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