But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
