well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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