i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
