i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
