The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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