Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize