thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
