At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
