You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I smell like Dick and happiness
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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