I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
