Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
