no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
