Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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