BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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