i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
