he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize