her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
