are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
