Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize