Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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