i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
