youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
