woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Alive.
So much puke
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I forget how to act sober
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
