she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
