Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
