I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
