Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
