remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
