we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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