i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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