Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
