My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My cat gives me a boner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
