Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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