Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
