sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize