so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
