i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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