I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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