so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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