U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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