i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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