There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We need to rekindle our bromance
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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